I suppose I've 3 things I want to say about this.
1. The Film
Imagine a man. He gets home alone after a date where he's shelled out lots of money and only received a good night peck on the cheek from the girl on the way home. He's horny, he sees his bottle of lube that he left out "in case", and he's all alone. Now what do you think he's about to do? I'll give you a clue, it has 4 letters, starts with a W and it rhymes with the Da Vinci Code's "Tom Hanks". Well, THAT word, that’s how I would describe the Da Vinci Code film.
Nothing bloody happens. And this isn’t a spoiler folks, it’s just that… nothing happens. There are no highs, no lows, no character development, no NOTHING. The “big car chase” lasts 14 seconds. I lasted longer on my first go at sex (or at least that’s what I tell myself). If it wasn’t for the addition of Ian McKellen in the middle I’d probably have not come back from my 3rd toilet break.
The thing is that there’s nothing wrong with it. There’s just not anything right with it, and I can’t believe that I had to pay £10 to see it. And as for controversy? Oh God, how I wish there was some so that it could at least be interesting…
2. All the Hype
It’s a Fiction Novel. Fiction. FICTION! If this film, or the book, or can rock the church or worse, your own personal faith, then you really really need to question what you believe in. It’s not as if suggesting Jesus Christ had children is new to film. Kevin Smith’s amazing DOGMA said that Jesus had Children, went nuts at 18 and partied too much, and was not white. The Catholic Church said that there was no proof, and that they believed in what was written in the bible. So why the hell couldn’t they say that this time? Where is the ground breaking discovery that this FICTION novel makes? Cos if it was in there, then I missed it. Possibly I blinked, or was at the loo.
3. Religion
I was raised an Irish Catholic. I thought I still considered myself one. I still love the Bible. It’s a great book. A bit preachy and the main character doesn’t turn up until half way through, but you know – it’s got some real interesting stories. That Jesus, man, he was a hoot. So when I was in the hospital on Saturday and was having all my details taken the nurse asked what religion I was. I answered truthfully, that I had no religion.
It’s an odd feeling to publicly renounce your faith in that way, and it’s sat badly with me for days now. The thing is, I believe in the fundamentals of the Christian faith. I try to turn the other cheek, I try to stick to the old “do to others as you would have them do unto you”, and of course I’m a huge fan of “thou shalt not kill”; but frankly I’ve had enough of the Catholic Church and their total nonsense. I just never realised how much it had affected me. I love God, I have my own beliefs which I have faith in. I suppose I just don’t buy into any particular Church’s view of that God should be.
My Mum, for a somewhat religious woman, used to tell me something every night which I’ve always loved. She told me “You are a child of the Universe”, and the more of this world I’ve seen the more she’s been proven right, even if not in the way she meant. I believe in a God, although I believe that “God” as a word is woefully inaccurate. I believe in me, and all of you. I believe in Faith and Love. And to me, that’s enough to start with.
I love you all.
I just love me more ;-)
(hey, how did you think that was going to end??)
