I think that maybe I’ve not been as eloquent as I could have been about what happened last week, as I do think I’m being judged a tad harshly. I think many people are mixing up WHAT I did and WHY I did it.
WHAT I did
I appreciate that WHAT I did was wrong. I should have stayed and chatted to the girl I met in the bar with CarolAnn. I should definitely not have just walked out, and I should not have been to so rude to my friend. There are all points that I should have been adult enough to realise as I was shaking her hand. Instead all I thought of was this:
Right Shoulder “Fuck, I didn’t even arrange one of those phone calls to save you 10 minutes in.”
Left Shoulder “Didn’t you watch enough TV for that to sink in?”
Right Shoulder “ Oh NOW you have a comment? How the hell do I get out of this?”
Left shoulder “Easy. Walk”
Right shoulder “Walk, like just walk out?”
Left Shoulder “yep, the door is behind you, and it’s a single door, she won’t fit though”
Right shoulder “Right, I’ll tell the feet…”
Left Shoulder "Don't worry about it, they felt the tremors of her wlaking, they're at the door already!"
And so I walked. It was rude and I’m really sorry for my actions, and they are un-defendable. WHAT I did was wrong, but WHY I did it, well that’s something else.
WHY I did it
I have to say, I take a little offence at the Shallow comments. I’ve seen many a shallow man, in know a good few, and I’ve got to say, it’s not been something that’s been levelled at me before. The realism is that to stay on a date (blind or otherwise) I have to be attracted to the person in some way. Now, in simple terms, I’m a 7. To a man, that means I have a shot at 8s, maybe a drunken 9, and a good chance with anything 5-7. It means, that I have slept with 4s when drunk (see the 6 and 4 story). But, not wanting to be on a date with a 3 doesn’t make me shallow!
I realise the whole “know the person inside” crap that women dole out constantly, but let me tell you, when you’re greeted by the prospect of a night with a 5 foot, 20 stone middle aged woman, who has a lazy eye, missing teeth and bald patches and plastered on make up like a bad TV hooker; you suddenly think… “maybe I can do a little better here”. I shit you not, this “woman” and I’m starting to use that term loosely cos I’m fairly confident that “she” was using hormones to achieve her “look”; reminded me of that thing from the Goonies!! And I know that you all may think I’m being Shallow or cruel, and I do apologise for being cruel, but I DARE someone to prove me wring on this (CarolAnn, you and your friends can send me photos – something you REFUSED to do before the date).
Look, I’m far from thinking I’m God’s Gift or anything like that, and I’m sorry I did what I did, but my reasoning behind it was sound. It’s a terrible thing to say that someone is so ugly that you didn’t want to spend 1 more minute of your time with them, but that’s honestly they way it was.
I don’t think that makes me a scumbag (sorry for using your word Suzy, but the ones in my emails are even worse and non work safe). There are men out there that beat and rape women, that kill people, and do things to kids and/or animals, that serial date and talk during the opera. I’m a guy, a normal guy, who was presented with a situation that truly truly shocked me and I panicked. I know I did wrong, but it’s not me that raised the bar. CarolAnn emailled me about a very different girl, so it wasn’t me who raised the bar! And even with a raised bar, I’m happy for someone to limbo under it, heck I probably limbo under quite a few of the bars women want. Being blunt about what sort of minimum level I have is just honest, which, rather confusingly, is what women always say they want from us men. [ n.b. we’re learning how big a lie that is – slowly of course ]
So I have three quick points to make, and then I have to go to work.
1) For all women claim that “a sense of humour” is the number one thing you’re after: How many of you have been approached by random men in a bar/club/street and you’ve just stopped and talked to everyone one of them? Have you ever looked at the person and said “actually, I’m not attracted to any bit of you” and just turned them down? Have you ever not turned them down nicely? If the thought of women doing that seems alien and unrealistic, go ask ANY man over the age of 4 who will happily reel off the experiences of how this happens all the time. Physical attraction, when actually “meeting” someone is absolutely vital.
2) The Shallow Hal thing doesn’t work. Seeing the “inner person” is bollocks. It worked for the film because Hal didn’t see the total Heffer. I ask you, how many time you’d see someone like Paltrow in a Fat Suit with a half decent looking man? In real life? I mean, while I REALLY need a woman with a personality, I also don’t think it’s too much to ask to get my arms round them. I’m also fussy about having that 3rd or 4th chin. I can also do without the beard too…
Me, I’d love to look at the person within, and see who is funny/intelligent/caring etc. But it’s life and you need to have a conversation with the person, and the realism is that it doesn’t work that way. We all have minimums, and sure a male minimum is more flexible than a female, but why is it that we men are not allowed a minimum, and god forbid if we do, we’re called "shallow"? But for women, it’s called “having standards”. It’s a massive hypocrisy ladies.
3) Although I am still really sorry for the way I acted, and I’ve apologised to all concerned in emails and phone calls enough last week; CarolAnn, I feel you’re a little to blame. A photo wouldn’t have killed you. I sent you one of me to pass on. Heck, a freaking NAME wouldn’t have killed you either, that way I would have known it wasn’t the woman in question when I met her. Or even, God Forbid, a heads up when you felt the tremors of her walking towards us from the bathroom that I wasn’t meant to be dating her, might have helped. And not “here she is”, because if you say “here she is” and then the wrong one appears – it ain’t my fault! I was given really bad intel.
Ok, this seems like more of a rant than I wanted it to be. We men are pigeon holed constantly. If we aim too high (9/10), we're kidding ourselves. If we aim just above us, we're in competition whith the good looking men who're too sleezy/stoopid to get the 9/10s. If we aim for 7s and 6s, we're told we're being Shallow in not talking to the 3/4/5s. If we talk to any of the 3/4/5s, then none of the 6-10s want to talk to use ever, because "clearly we're just hitting on any old girl to get a shag". Shallowness and Superficialness aer both words that are bandied about far too often by women, when really, the guy is just being honest.
I want to be with somone I am attracted to. And I don't see the hanging offence in that...
